Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Gasping For Air: Random/Short

So urmmm... yeah still breathing, barely. Gasping is more like it. 

Have I lost the interest in writing? Or my life has reached its dullest phase? Yes? No?

So let's start with a purpose.


The most dramatic change in all aspect of my life. The first and second weeks were horrible. Ate whatever there were to be eaten. But I cooked ayam masak kurma' or kurma, whatever the spelling is, and it tasted NICE. Approved by a senior. LOL. Yeah I miss my mom's dishes. She cooks great foods, as a son or as some general people, she really does cook AWESOME. Well it's hard to be the youngest, tend to miss all this tiny weeney bit of stuffs like these. Shhhhh..don't tell my mom. When she cries every time she Skype-d with me, I gave that look ma-please-stop-crying-im-just-a-flight-away, need to look strong and no shedding of tears please. LOL.

Baile Atha Cliath

For god sake, can someone please teach me how to pronounce this? It's so annoying to see something so often but you just so clueless about it. Things at med school are fine. Just fine. I just don't find it interesting to post loads of pictures on Facebook. And regarding Facebook, I so loathe the fact that more people are posting more and more of annoying posts. Well, I should snap pictures and put it in for my posts. 

Molecules in Medicine 2

Oligomeric protein...
Glycyl bla bla bla...

First 10 minutes....
5 out of 20 multiple choice questions answered, 3 are under KIV label.

10 minutes before exam ended...
Scribbling...Scribbling...Racking...Racking...And the dice was thrown...

That should be A because question 9 is E, they can be so close together. Let's make some space over here. Oh yeah, that could be C or E, let's go for C shall we?

Examination has ended...Smile and smile (read:cussing cussing cussing)

Have I missed all the lectures?

Monday, September 19, 2011

I Think

I think I'm doing fine now.I think,things just started to fall right in places.I think I need be more serious?

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Of Lesson-ful Weeks

It has been a while, a week to be precise, me living in the other side of the world. As I wish, as I imagine since my childhood. And now the it all comes to a reality. A reality that I have a mix feeling over it, over and over again. At one point, I just don't know what to expect, I reduced myself into a clueless John Doe amid hundreds of loud freshers and I am a recluse. 

I have put a high expectation of doing this and that in a very short while once coming to this place. And I fail to reach that. But after all, I should give myself some times, just some more times to get things in the right places. I shall not feel suicidal of attending my first ever med school lecture unprepared, though all the craps the lecturers said were just some basic introduction on Physiology and Molecular in Medicine. I shall not cast my judgments on myself and predict the rest of the years of studying at med school based on this shitty weeks. I shall just be laid back as what I promised myself. ("but it's med school for God sake!" feels like the heart is thumping with that)

But I learnt. I realized. A few things that I wouldn't be learning if I ever to stay in my comfort zone. I met people. New personalities. Talking about feeling and emotion, check. I'm better in controlling that. Talking about what's the next couple of years might bring to me, I don't know, no inkling, no nothing, nada.

Short term prediction, might end up be me, like back in college, KMB. Forever alone and comfortable that way. First year med student on his first day of lectures, yes I am.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Tribute To Kolej MARA Banting

***This is a very very very long overdue post***

So what's to become of me? Still stuck in the midst of the overwhelming memories of this college.

Yesterday,today and tomorrow. The thought of it never seems to leave my mind. Often I ask myself why is it so hard to really let go of yesterday. And I am yet to find the exact answers but along the way, I recalled too many things that happened to me in the last 2 years and I realized there are just truckloads of memories to be rid of that I just decided to keep it, live with it in the meantime cause it just feels right (where on earth will you get this experience?only in KMB).

I miss waking up really early in the morning. 6.30 am was late for a nerd like me. I woke up usually at 6 am. Rush to the toilet, Subuh, packing up books according to timetable and iTunes on playing mode for Oasis and random songs. I always need to make sure the room is tidied then I'm heading for class at 7 am but sometimes it was really messed up I just grab my bags and off to class. That's my routine. My short stop, it's either the Dewan Selera or Ko-op KMB. I love the sausage roll and the curry puff and the canned drinks, it reminds me of my favorite Mocha, Latte, Kiwi, Peach Lemon. Lovely drinks minus the caffeine-rich  products.

I love to read something before the class kicks off, and things are better understood at this early hour (around 6 am to 7.30 am, I love this period). Well, I can't deny that I myself will keep staring at the clock for the end of the day's lessons. Take a quick lunch and then I'll plan on what to do that afternoon, mostly I'll do all those assignments or I can just simply sleep in my room. Heaven :)

After all that has been my successful journey and I am bound to achieve more in my medical school term. But every tiny bits of experience that I learned back then will serve as a guide for me to not repeating my mistakes.

For another one mark to get an A for my Extended Essay, for another one mark to get 25/25 for my Business and Management Studies Internal Assessment, for another one mark to get 20/20 for my Theory of Knowledge Presentation and for another one point to get the High Achiever Award, I know that this is a sign for me to work a little harder and things will fall right in place.

Farewell KMB, Batch 09/11.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Fly, Baby, Fly

Ini kerje manusia forever alone bile buat post blog back to back dalam mase 1 jam. Baru sekejap tadi dapat duit raya lumayan dari saudara mara. Tu baru satu keluarga dah dapat RM156 tambah yang semalam RM50 (duit raya advance payment).

Baiklah, saye rase semua pun well aware yang student UCD nak berhambus 3/9 ni. Which is including me. Sangat haromm bile ade yang cakap kene beraya sekejap je. You said that to the wrong people, cik kiah. Saye cukup dengan raye sehari. Sehari ni pun saye dah mati kutu nak buat ape sampai dah terpaksa dengar lagu classical dalam iTunes (nampak tak kaitan tu?). So memang tak kesa fly bile. Even hari ni kene berhembat hembatan dengan luggage ke KLIA pun tak ape. Asal kan duit raya masuk, tak gitu?

Untuk preparation nak fly, mesti lah dah beribu riban saye habiskan. Setakat seratus dua tu tak mampu nak puaskan nafsu serakah berbelanja besar. Saye habiskan paling banyak pade stationery (RM230), baju semua kurang RM200 tapi berhelai helai (Read:kurang RM200 times unknown X).

Of all the things I bought, foods saye tak beli. Mungkin nanti beli di KL je. Semua barang bersepah dalam rumah, ade dalam bilik ade luar bilik ade kat rumah kakak. Checklist pun tak buat lagi. Susah bile semua kene handle sendiri tapi seronok sebab pengalaman tu sendiri yang rasa.

Bile dok pikiaq balik, betul betul rase tak sangke, impian dari kecik, dari tadika nak fly oversea akhirnye jadi kenyataan. Syukur alhamdulillah. Cita cita asal nak masuk RCSI nehh, semangat dok tulis RCSI mase nak interview MARA. Sampai je KMB, cita cita tu disimpangkan sikit. I blame the seniors. LOL. 

Saye ni kalau nak cakap lucky, bukan setakat lucky je, dah ber lucky lucky. Bayangkan dari sekolah rendah bawak ke KMB, journey tu alhamdulillah Allah permudahkan. Tak ade yang sangkut. Plus ramai pulak tu senior yang tolong saye. Kalau nak harapkan keluarga saye mereka pun mungkin tak tau care yang terbaik, pertolongan senior2 ni jugak yang banyak mempermudahkan saye dalam banyak hal. Thanks a lot.

Saye tak mintak pun orang hantar saye ke airport tu. Jangan susah susah. Pergi je beraye puas puas. Tapi kalau insist tu, jangan segan segan. Bawak duit raya, tu penting. KLIA ade money changer okay. Take note.

Dalam hustle bustle nak berangkat ni, tersentuh jugak la hati sebab arwah ayah dah tak ade. Tak sempat nak berkongsi kegembiraan dengan arwah. Mase makan pagi tadi, nak menangis dah, selamat dapat tahan plus ade selsema sikit so tak kantol. Selamat selamat. 

Saye ade a very long overdue post pasal KMB, that would be the end post about that awesome college. Will post it later tonight or kejap lagi, biase la, raye orang forever alone memang macam ni. 

My Eid

We have our own way in celebrating a big day, be it birthday or Eid Ul Fitr (Eid). Same goes to me. I tend to go heartless in celebrating important days because for me it's just the same, LIKE.ANY.OTHER.DAY.

Started the day with a routine check on my email inboxes, Facebook and Twitter and also on top of all that, UCD Connect, where I got all the updates on my university registration process. I can't walk outta my room until I do all these. Hopefully a new smartphone would do me a great favor.

My day couldn't get any better without a plate of my mom nasi minyak (oily rice ke in English? LOL). And the day continued without me getting shower. I've told you, it is just a normal day for me. And then I went to my dad's grave and then my day ended. I lead a such boring life. Lifeless is more like it.

I got a pile of clothes and stuffs to be packed in my luggage. I have a mix feeling over going to Ireland to further my study.

Tak tau nak rase ape. Nak rase excited, nervous mencanak. Nak rase happy, teringat pulak entah ape hard times will I face mase dekat UCD nanti. Orang cakap suka suka sangat tanda nak menangis. Motiff... 

Saye rase akan tukar bahasa menulis ke bahasa melayu. Campur campur, rojak petis. Kejap lagi saye post pasal issue nak fly ni.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Best Mirror

This is the sequel to the numbers game on Facebook. But this time, it's not about me writing to them but them writing about me. Well said people, friends are your best mirror. So if one of yours give an honest comment, why not take it? There's no harm of listening to one. So here's what they say about moi!

Aku tak tau nama penuh budak ni.. dia ni pandai. fokus dengan assignment. suka ajak classmate dia utk bersaing dgn dia dlm menyiapkan kerja. cemerlang dalam IB. dia pernah describe diri dia sbgai seorang yg mmpunyai sifat kiasu. dia nnti pi Ireland. tinggal kat block B. sgt aktif bertwitter. senang je nk teka ni :)

Budak pandai, budak rajin, apa lagi. Muka buku, muka LRC. HAHAHA. He's a nice guy I can say :) kenal dia through one of my friend because they always like belangkas, that's why i kenal this guy. A very hardworking person and I respect him for that. Cayalaaah! HAHAHA. He called me Mak Datin which I don't know why. I personally think he always get what he want because he believe and he works his best to get it. He's going to Ireland soon and I know he will do well there. Good luck kawan :)

dy nih mang aku na sepak2 je!!hahaha da la suke kenekn aku men pingpong tp skali lwn ngan aku mang kene belasah r..ahhaha nseb la mamat nih bek slalu la kalu na borak ptg2..suke ejek dy pasal incident bju zara..mang xley bla dy nih suke jog gak r tp xturun2 gak perot tu..ahhaah
Kau suke menggelabah! Kelam kabut! Tapi kau rajin. Rajin gile weyh yang amat. Kesian kau kan kene perli rambut dengan gigi kau. HAHAHA. Kau ni bile orang perli kau ke, kutuk kau ke, sikit pun kau tak kisah kenapa haa? Lagi satu, ko kalau nak ape yang ko nak, ko mesti usaha gile2 kan. Sampai kdg2 kite pun annoying dgn ko. haha. sorry :p papepun, goodluck kat dublin! ;)

Tinggi die ni cam model. Mmg sgt rajin dan selalu bantu member kalo ade masalah. Thanks notes yg ko bg. Pernah tido kt blek aku skali je and since ari tu aku dpt merasai aura die yg sgt mendalam. Saorang musician mate yg best. Dia ni kalo wat sesuatu mesti bersungguh-sungguh and tak pernah putus asa. Memang hebat dlm bms and personal statement die mmg ayat stylo lah. Selalu gak kaco die kt blek. Gud luck in ur life after ni sebab aku tau ko leh terus success.

hahahah, hmmm, peramah, bergaya, suka makan, suka puasa, sgt2 menghormati guru, kurang berbudi bahasa, agak moden, agresif dalam kelas, suke dengar lagu, bilik bolehla kemas la jugak, suka satu watak dalam gossip girl(ape tah nama watak tu), suke tgk american idol!!!!, berkawan rapat dengan seorang wanita, hahahah, seseorang yg sesuai utk bersaing dengan zatil, aku tgk xde la rajin sangat budak ni, aku doakan ko dapat isteri yg solehah!!!, enjoy ur life

rajin. tinggi. kacak. bergaya. sape lagi kalo bukan ...don! hehe. dia ni selalu menyibukkk! serious. org tgh gosip kt depan, dye ada je mengintai kat belakang. lol. aku suka duk depan ko. sbb senang tnya soalan chem kt ko. ko kn mantop! nk exam rajin nk mati. ak rasa kt ireland nnt mst almari buku ko lg besa dri katil heee. benci ckp pasal rhsia ko. xpnh nk kasi tau. hii papepun best kwn ngn ko :)

tetibe anta chat kt ak. soh bt bende ni. sorg yg pramah tp 1st impression, mamat yg kerek abes. bjet.tp rupenye, x,worse.LOL. juz kiddin. die seorg yg cool, tp gelabah bile xdpt or in doubt of something yg die curios.(im juz sayin)rajin blaja, slalu jmp kt lrc.tkot ngan ak sbb,igt ak ni cannibal/something like that. mamat ni PANDAI. dpt 41 kot.1st time berknalan ak x igt.sbb, perkenalan xdiduga.mksdnye,tetibe je bleh kenal.akhr skali,die sorg yg bkal jd housemate ak kt oversea.I.Allah.amin

Ok so mule2 kite xde la rapat and all kan tapi yela kadang tu it takes time jugak untuk rapat ke ape kan. Then bile the ice is broken, amboi kemain lah kite ni haa. bergosip bagai x hengat dunia nih!!!! riuh sangat nye haa dengan kau nih! Wish boleh kenal and rapat dgn kau awal2 lagi kan so that banyak moments kite bergeds2 bersama2..tapi xpelah, ape yg ade that'll do already..haha..jgn lupe taw plan kite!!! ITU YANG PENTING!!!! LOL! ^_^

Okay this is a bit embarrassing, but what caught my eyes when i first saw him was his broad chest, rasa macam menariknya badan dia. I WAS A BIT WEIRD BACK THEN. (skrg pun pelik jugak) and also his fingers, he has nice fingers. Nevertheless, it wasn't his outer apperance that caught my heart( for friendship of course), but him, being himself. he is very honest in giving opinion, outspoken, caring, good listener and he is like my big brother. =D

mula2 igtkn ak la yg paling rajin.tp ad lak mamat ni mmg kerajinan die biase cm dlm drama je jumpe.kagum ble die cter psal arwah ayah die =).kalo die nk somthing, mmg btul die cbe dptkn.kdg2 tk pham btul ngn cara die idup kt kmb, tp ap yg die buat tu mm nmpk la hasilnye. die ni mmg mnusia jnis jrg.haa pling best ble ak tye die soalan pe2, die akn cube explain dgn bsgguh2...tq bro

Seriously people? Am I that nerdy? These are their opinions on me. I need to switch off that kiasu mode,  pronto.

Friday, August 19, 2011

The Lucky Number

BROKEN HEART.She's my gossip girl with another girlfriend.hihi.I can't remember how exactly we talked to each other.It was like we're just close since forever.Die ni all her ranting, I know the right person that she's referring to. A very sweet girl. I like her name. SHE HAS A PRETTY SISTER AND GOOD LOOKING BROTHERS. I guess it's in her gene. So don't worry, you really should move on for someone better. I love reading her love posts or her heartbroken posts. It seems so real and something that I can relate to. Cheerful and very expressive. Can see some part of me reflecting from herself :)

ILY.Dah almost 10 years kawan.She knows me inside out. She can accept me the way I am. Memang ini ultimate bestfriend. TAK PERNAH EMO. Pernah kot. Sekali. sepanjang panjang  kawan memang tak pernah tau bile die marah. same macam saye. Susah nak marah kot. And taktau nak cakap ape sebab tak payah cakap pape  pun she knows how important she is for the past 7 years hehe :)

No more numbers :)

Random Numbers,Random People

Here's the thing,these people,they gave a number between #0000 to #9999.So, it's only me and them that will know this number.So I am to give my personal thoughts on what I think about them. Below are the descriptions. I post it on my blog because I don't want to spam the Facebook newsfeed.


Die ni nak cakap boleh kate tegas.Kadang rase nak sepak kepala die laju laju.Tapi sebenarnye die okay je.Siap share personal stories lagi mase kat  KMB dengan die pasal family. So memang la kalau tak kenal maka tak cinta.Pandai berkata-kata die ni.Ade je keje die nak fire orang.Kiasu, masyaallah taktau nak cakap ape weh. Selalu cakap die ni No.1 tapi the fact is, itu tipu belaka hahaha.Saye tahu siape 10/10 die :)

KACAK BERGAYA.die ni rapat jugak dengan saye.kadang kadang rase macam adik.padahal sebaya.first time tengok,alahai budak ni,bile nak tinggi dik.baik.die ni kalau ade problem kadang kadang die cari saye.tak fussy.mudah je nak berkawan dengan die.so far,tak pernah nampak bad side die sebab mungkin tak pernah work on a project dengan die though ade la yang cakap die ni susah to work with.overall die memang jambu :)

CIK KIAH.lawak betul.suke borak dengan die sebab care die cakap.selalu bump off dekat kmb,sempat lagi tu nak fire fire satu same lain.drama gak sikit.tapi seronok,sebab boleh buat tergelak.die ni asyik tweet nak bersuami je,tapi die single.ke tak dah?baik.belum pernah lagi borak ape2 personal dengan die.but die ni good company.lighten up ze days :)

Tau dark secret dia.selalu gak borak.muke mintak pelempang macam saye jugak.tapi bile dah kenal,die ni baik je.tak sombong.main bola saye rase.kecik je badan.bile nak membesar bro?perlu kan mase nak kenal lagi die ni :)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Lost In Thoughts

Semakin dekat hari nak masuk med school,semakin terasa kebangangan diri. Menarik punya hypothesis. And that of course, only apply to me.

So how's that for the intro?

Let's get back to serious matter. Well, it's a yeah 2.15 am 8/18/2011. Yeah  tell me about it, I love writing blogpost at some odd hours. For the past 3 months I apparently have stocked up more fats than I ever could for the past 10 years. And since Ramadhan, things get a little MORE fattening than it is ever before. Wake up, online, breaking fast, online, sleep, sahur, sleep. What a preparation for med school.

Some of my friends, they have started READING the first chapter of medical books. So you tell me my dear friends, siapa yang skema ayam di sini?pfftt. So yeah, screw them. SCREW YOU. Jangan turn on kan my kiasu mode di sini. Masih ada raya aidifitri untuk diraikan.

I am, or I was willing to make a proper post about Futsal KMB and Alma Mater, but I don't know. Staying idle at home has eventually taken its toll on me, making me even lazier day by day.

Anyways, I'd like to make a toast..no..I'd like to thank my seniors for answering all those stupid questions of mine regarding going to Ireland and yeah more specifically going to University College Dublin. They even told me how many undergarments that I should bring to Ireland. This is too nice to be true. Thank you sooo sooo much.

For a grammar nazi and spelling nazi like moi, writing in a mash up of language is so rare and this is one of them. Kill me, some other language nazi! But yeah, tragically, I am a control freak. I want everything to be in my control despite the fact that I have made a promise to myself to let loose of certain things after college, but it seems a bit far from becoming reality. Toodles

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Happy Endings Where I Begin

Yesterday was a remarkable history indeed. A day overflowed with happiness and excitement, an inexplicable blend of emotions. After all, it was our Graduation Day, we were the celebrated ones and and I was the late one. My auntie took the road to KMB despite the fact that she uttered herself that we were going to PICC, Putrajaya. Overconfidence really kills.
The robe made me feel like I'm one of the Hogwarts students except that we didn't have the wands with us. The day was perfectly simple. We came in, listen to the speeches, and of course chit-chatting among us the noisy people at the back was inevitable. And then in the performance by the music club. Great job people! Real nice event appropriate for Ramadhan.
Talked to my English teacher and my TOK teacher, very lovely people. Got a gift from my mentor, Miss Oja cum my English teacher and a card from Puan Mawarzah, my EE advisor, a real perfectionist she is. I just love ze teachers in KMB :) 
Meeting friends and people that makes your life in surviving IB Diploma at KMB is a real great pleasure. While chatting with my TOK and English teacher, I just realized that my day in KMB is real over, but I believe, the memories, friendships and every tiny bits of beautiful things in it are something that will keep on living with me. It was sad, really. But the sadness was well covered with the feel good vibe winding around in the atmosphere.
It's true. Something that has a beginning is inextricably subjected to an end. I am satisfied with my journey so far. I learnt a lot, definitely. I do not resent that I wasted most of my teenage life in school and college, having some sort of entertainments with books and more assignments. In the end, I just know that I am preparing myself for a challenging adulthood. And again, though this phase has ended, but I'll keep living in those beautiful memories and keep it as something to look back on every once in a while, because it is indeed a great journey. Have you keep yours?

Speech by Ketua Pengarah MARA

Performance by music club. Good job people!

The girl with green hijab, is UCD-ian also

3 stooges?

Nice muffler from Miss Oja. Thank you!

Family! <3

Miss Sher. Yeap, I will keep writing and sharing :)

Favorite teachers! :)


Friday, August 5, 2011

Graduation Day KMB

I wrote this CAS(Creative,Action,Service) reflection last year. The reflection was written for the music club since I was involved with the orchestra performance. Superb experience I'd say. I was involved for my seniors' Graduation Day since Year 1. All I can say is that, the priceless gift that I get during the day is absolutely the motivation that I can absorb from the event and that was among the things that kept me going in surviving International Baccalaureate Diploma at Kolej MARA Banting. Happy reading.

The first time will always be the best, but sometimes a second exposure could just be better. It is my sophomore year in Mara College Banting and here I am, blowing the best through my golden-coated brass-made saxophone during the most anticipated event for Music Club members, seniors’ Graduation Day. The sweats, endless hours of painstaking training and routine, ups and downs, they now had come to an end. It was an ending that worth to be remembered for as long as I can breathe.  I can vividly imagine the prestigious hall of Putrajaya International Convention Center, with the perfectly laid red carpet to welcome the honored guests and most importantly, the International Baccalaureate survivors. And there we are, sitting still, sharp and focused, ready to play the beats of the day jubilantly.
            Getting a second bite of the cherry in my life as a performer to be involved in Graduation Day is just a plain honor. Things would have been so much different if I did not make that bold step in signing up for Music Club a year ago. I learnt so much about life through my active involvements in this club. I believe these added values of life quality that I possessed will distinguish me from the common students. Equality, tolerance, discipline, commitment, these are all those valuable qualities that I managed to inculcate within me to be a better person in the future. Music, does prove to me that it is not just a mere lullaby, it is about life-improvements, it is about friendships, and it is more than just about playing running notes on the score sheets.
            To me, the highlight of my involvement for this year is about the motivation that I absorbed throughout the Graduation Day itself. Looking at the seniors draped in golden dresses and tailored suits, a glimpse of satisfaction reflected in every each one of them. It made me realized that my time will come, soon. The seniors had put their hearts and souls to complete their diploma. What about me? Will I be able to shine as bright as their smiles while holding the diploma on the stage? Will I be able to score 45 points like Wahidah Wahid; a former member of Music Club members? Yes I can. Nothing can stop me from having the same feeling that she had on that day.
            I was so inspired seeing her getting awards that she deserved to have. Until today, Graduation Day succeeded in heating up my motivation. It has become my turning point. I no longer doubt myself that I do have the potential to score beyond average. I am not afraid of setting up my goal at the maximum level. To deserve “I believe in you” from someone else requires me to believe in myself first. No matter how bumpy the road in front of me, I have to keep holding on. Nervous is just a common feeling in an adventure to achieve my goal because I am almost there. I deeply believed that we are the champions in our own lives.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Time Really Flies

I was looking for the right first sentence to start this post. But never mind, cause that could take ages to figure out.

Long hiatus? Yes, absolutely. I just don't know the reason why ever since IB result was announced, my excitement to pursue my oversea degree goes out through the window. And I fail to summon them back, they just disappear into thin air. When my friends are just elated about it, I am in the predicament of finding back that excitement, browsing seniors pictures, chat with them but those are not enough. To say I am nervous to embark on university life as a medical student, that's pretty much the understatement of the year. Maybe, when we lose something, we shouldn't look for it, just let it go. Or should we?

Found the strength to update this blog to really walk the talk. I tweeted last time that I will only write my next post once I am informed about my respective university. And yeah, I got University College Dublin (UCD). Yay for that! Well this calls for some explanation. I once aimed for Trinity College Dublin (TCD) and not UCD. And there's a but to that, it was just my preference. As long as I got Dublin, I am just more than happy. At last, my dreams really came true. Alhamdulillah. I call this as Ramadhan luck.

For the moment, I am so occupied with forms, forms and more forms. It takes a dizzy head to fill all these.

Those are for MARA onlayyy!Not yet uni!

This one cost me 226MYR
All I can say is, going overseas not as easy as it looks and you need to fork out some of you OWN money to pay for apartment deposits and etc. But since this is what I want, nothing seems to be that hard to be done.

The long hiatus, I was constantly thinking. What is it to become of me? Will life be easier, or will it turn into some ferocious battle where I am the handicapped fighter? What's life version would you want? Have you find yours?

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Thank You!

You know, when good things happen like this, there will be no exact words that can express your feeling. Everything seems to jumble up with emotions, and there is nothing that can stop this feeling.

Thanks to Allah for granting my wishes.

Thanks to my mom and I dedicate this sweetest achievement to my arwah abah. My parents are my greatest inspiration and motivation.

Thanks to KMB teachers for their countless advices, guidance, knowledge that they share, everything (there is defo too much to be said). To Puan Mawarzah, Miss Oja, Puan Iliani, Cikgu Hasni, Puan Zaiton, Puan Kamariah, Miss Yati, Ustaz Sulor, Ustazah Madhiah (probably wrong spelling) and whoever in the college whom had helped me to get the best out of this program and teach to be a better man.

Thanks to my seniors, Fitri Hakim, Qaiyyim, Hijaz Ridzuan, S Izuddin, Fahmi Nordin, Adib Redzuan, Fadzrel, Amir Asraf, Pi’e, Lutfi, Syauqan, Rhoe, Azhar, Cami Syahmi, Wahidah Wahid, Liyana Mustafa (senior EE BMS), and the list goes on. There are just too many people who taught me great stuff to make it through. Thank you so much. And not to forget to all my seniors from SAKTI Rizwan Shah, Babat/Mat Yi, Hazmel, Aizat Bonda/Ruby, Syafiq Yazid and many more to be mentioned.

Thanks to my batch mate. Everyone has a role to allow me to produce good grades and great performance.

Thanks to my juniors.

Thanks to everybody who happens to have their role in helping me before this.

I definitely owe you guys a lot.

Be OK!

I think I'm gonna be fine
just fine
just so fine 
regardless of my result
cause I wanna be OK once again
Good luck all KMB-ians!
Good luck IB candidates!

And I belive life can be sum up in three words:It Goes On

Sunday, June 26, 2011

IB Result

I bet everybody is tired of waiting.I always dread the days after taking some major examinations.Because it's depressing and I will always disorientate in my own space and fail to believe that I can really make it.

These days,it has been tough for me to sleep and plus,I had been dreaming about my result,yes,my IB result.Well,you know,based on the way that I did the papers,I really doubt it that I can make it.C'mon this is not like SPM.You can still predict an A1 though you think it is suck enough to get a B4.This is time it is completely different.

Frankly,I did not think about IB result for the past one month,and now since it is like less than 2 weeks,I can't help myself but a loudly thumping heart.

I prayed.And now,I can't decide whether this is a sign from Allah or just another play put up by the Satan.

Dream 1
One of my close friends,Syu.She called me, so elated to tell me my result.I was shocked and I saw the slip.May be we skype-d.Then how come I can see the result right.Well,I'm trying to reasoned this dream obviously.And I saw I got 36.That should be enough to allow to enroll in one of the Irish Medical School.And I tried to ask her where the hell she got that and she hung up.I woke up.

Dream 2
This just happened today.I dreamed that I was in my senior's house.And I can see vividly which I happened to recognize from the pictures he uploaded on his Facebook profile.And I saw another senior,S Izuddin.You can follow my senior comments on my post.

Last time,when I asked for Allah guidance regarding my IUMC result,He showed me.This time,I'm not sure if this from Him or from Mr.Satan.
Insyaallah,if my rezeki is there,there's nothing to be worried about.Pray for me too if you happen to read this and I know Allah knows the best for me and for all of us :)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Sleep Problem

This is a post I ended up writing on after a much of a struggle to get myself in the dreamland.

It has been awful.Trust me.

Well I am a working man.Since I got 1K in my pocket,pretty much earned it.You know,mom owns a diner,work really hard,yeah,really hard for 50MYR per day.Work routine starts at 6pm.Then I get everything set,cooks are ready,and the customers throng to get their "re-fuel".And also the next thing I know it's already 12 midnight and I started the closing procedure.Usually I come home around 1am.

I shower.You know,long day at work.Sweats and all that not a really good companion for a good night kip.I know,I know it's not healthy.But would you really want to hit the sack with all that smells from the grill?Well,not really for me.And the struggle starts.

I will sit on my bed,get online,blog,Fb,Twitter and whatever that is available on the net,yes,that too,porn.Thank you for reminding me. *guffaw* 

Well I promised to only watch 1 episode of Supernatural then off to bed but 1 became 2 episodes.Then I dim the light, *This is American Idol*,kidding.Well,apparently tonight was my first attempt to sleep in low light intensity condition.Yeah,you got that right buddy,you just won yourself 1 million bucks.I don't feel comfortable to sleep in the dark and I don't like dark places.I tried to get use to sleep in the dark back in college,but things just doesn't feel alright.Am I afraid of the dark?Yes I am.I would wait to step into a dark room until the light is switched on.I am not the type of guy you really want to date with.Trust me.I probably better be born as a girl I guess.Well,moving on.

And you know,staying up late you always need one thing,food.Back in the days I was gearing up for IB exam,I bought loads of foods from the Ko-op.Snacks,peanuts,caffeine,bread you name it and even burger.You never know when that little tummy of yours will start playing that familiar sounds again.

So I,yeah,just ate a box of rice,mom's leftover.She offered me to have some earlier but I refused,might still be repleted by those teh tarik,fried noodles and satay.And hell yeah,I just scoured the kitchen for food.

Because of those aforementioned ramblings,I usually sleep like at this time almost 5am.And the thing I hate about this is,I usually wake up in the afternoon,12 noon for instance,and for some special instance,2pm.That makes a short day light for me.Get something to eat,brunch?No.I call it,late luncheon. Catch some movies or just get back to sleep.And if the weather is too hot, I will just continue watching some TV programs. Scorching hot day,you probably get that tan,but a sweaty body all day?You might wanna get dry a little.

So basically the question is, is it because I have an awful sleep habit or just that I'm scared of the dark?

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father's Day To World's Dad

So much at the age of 20. So much and "much" does not seem to quantify everything. We always grow stronger though deep inside it's fragile, but in the end, we're always stronger than before. Love crosses the boundaries of physicality and it penetrates the thickest layer of the make-up personality. Happy Father's Day to all Dads.

"Duet" by Rachael Yamagata and Ray Lamontagne

Oh Lover, hold on 
'till I come back again 
For these arms are growin' tired, 
And my tales are wearing thin 

If you're patient I will surprise, 
When you wake up i'll have come 

All the anger will settle down 
And we'll go do all the things we should have done 

Yes I remember what we said 
As we lay down to bed 
I'll be here if you will only come back home 

Oh lover, i'm lost 
Because the road i've chosen beckens me away 

Oh lover, don't you rome 
Now i'm fighting words I never thought i'd say 

But I remember what we said 
As we lay down to bed 
I'll forgive you oh 
If you just come back home 

Hmmm mmmm 
Hmmmm mmmm 

Oh lover, I'm old 
You'll be out there and be thinking just of me 

And I will find you down the road 
And will return back home to where we're meant to be 

'cause I remember what we said 
As we lay down to bed 
We'll be back soon as we make history.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Of Turning 20

I did not celebrate birthday. The last time I did when I was 4 or 5 years old kiddo. And the years coming birthday just feel like another day.

But I guess turning 20 is not really a big deal, but maybe the realization keeps getting stronger that for every days passing, we keep growing older and this is not a Benjamin Button Case.

Upon arriving to this conclusion, I've counted my blessings. Just too many and too precious it won't come by that often. I'd say so far, I have my very own fantastic life. There are too many things that I have learnt at this age. Bereavement, relationships and about love.

I don't resent having to learn adult lessons at this early age of 20. Somehow I felt that I am blessed to be bestowed with this opportunity. I realized that sometimes in life, you don't always get what you want, sometimes you just have to settle for something less than what you expected but hey, perhaps that's what best for you.

I learnt that in this world, everybody is not the person that you really want to trust. Some might be the meanest back-stabber and some just want to drain benefits from you and dump you in the middle of the road.

At 20, all I want is just to feel alright once again. I just want to feel that there is so much to live for and endless list of unforeseen miracles to be experienced. I just love my life and the people (of course) that has make this journey a worthwhile living records. And I'm gonna treasure all the memories that teach me so much about life and about being an adult.

Well, HAPPY 20TH SEED! Welcome to the 20's club :)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Friend Called Papan

I have a friend. I called her Papan. Everybody called her Papan. We were no we are, we were are? okay I'm confused if it still is, close friend. We laugh so hard it aches our stomach, we share stories like any other close friends would do and she even saw me half naked in my boxer with her older sister because we went shopping together. I was used to be close with her family until that one day. We both and we all took a different path in our life. Me heading to KMB and her somewhere in PJ for IIUM.

I remembered she having a problem with her face structure. I and her family even called her senget. And the last time I talked to her was 1 month before IB exam and that was probably the first time after more than 2 years. I'm an awful bastard for neglecting friends. 

Her family owned a beauty spa. It had become a must for me to come and laugh our arse off. But that was then, and after time had separated all of us and most of all, our friendship. And things just go awkward. I'm not sure if I can act like the same old me. Because I grow, you grow, everybody grow. And time definitely has worked on its magic.

It could be anybody's fault and it could be nobody's fault when things like this happens. Sometimes things just occur without us ever having a control over it. But the most crucial thing about this is, I probably was struck afresh with the reality of how things could go differently by just simply giving it time and by being ignorant obstruct by our own clogged judgments in our fantasies.

Regardless of how busy you are, remember, you are just one dial away from your friends. Always keep updated with good old friends because if you don't keep them, you'll always be a stranger in this world.
The ever senget Papan

Tips To Improve English (Speaking and Listening)

So one thing is needed, GUTS.

I remembered when I was a kid, I was so scared, hell-ish one to converse in English because I didn't want to make mistakes. Well I was obviously wrong since a language will only develop when you use it or otherwise it'll be rusty.

I started speaking in English when I was in Standard 3, as what I remembered. Participated for story telling competition. And I met this Chinese girl, she asked me "What costumes are you wearing?" and all I can answer was "Costume tu apa?". Back then, we kids were so naive, we just don't understand the definition of embarrassing, and we have just too much of that word when we grow up, don't we? And since then, I keep doing things just to be as good and not feeling inferior. 

So here, few tips that really works:

    1. SPEAK IT OUT LOUD! This is the only way to give a profound improvements on your speaking
    2. Keep a dictionary with audio aids to help you pronounce the words correctly, unless you're good at phonetics
    3. Listen, watch and read English materials
    4. Think in English
It might make you wonder how I can speak fluent English when in my family there's nobody who could speak the language. Well, I simply talk to the mirror or sometimes myself and the wall. I kid you not. It seems so silly but yet, one of the way that do me a lot of favor. Just do not afraid to make mistakes. In fact when you make mistakes on certain words, distorted meaning for instance,  you will remember it so hard you won't make the same mistakes. 

Pronouncing the words correctly is very essential. For a starter, you don't have to put on any accents, just use English, the standard sound (I mean as in what I hear in Cambridge Advanced Leaner's Dictionary). But I guess this is not really a big problem for us Melayu since our tongue can be twisted so easy to produce the English-ish sound (but I'm not sure about people from Kelantan). My Kelantan friends told me it's hard sometimes for them to get rid of that Kelantan sound because they are used to it. But still, I see many Kelantan people who can speak fluent English,yes minus the Kelate sound lah (guano gini kalo hok ni pung bunyi kelate).

On the same note, despite of the aforementioned point, we need to speak with accent especially for students who studies abroad. Some common comments from the native speaker is that, they hardly understand us. Of course, since they pronounce words a bit differently. So, it's up to you to speak in what ever accents that you are comfortable with. But bear in mind, get the standard before you explore more on accents.

On the other hand, you need to start think in English if you really want to speak fluent English. When I said think, you don't need second to translate Malay to English. The sentence just popped out of your mouth. Maybe this is something that you might want to look for, dreaming in English. When you start having one, you know you are one level better.

Well this is not like I'm telling you Bahasa is of less importance because this is purely for the sake of knowledge. Yeap regarding listening, there's only one useful and common tips, listen to English stuff, songs, movies, news (BBC a good one). Just something to share :)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Tips To Improve English (Writing)

Well I don't have a perfect English proficiency. I am a learner, so being one will never ever put you on top. I always put myself at the bottom of the ladder. Nonetheless, when it comes to knowledge, we ought to share it regardless of its minimal amount, even for just a letter. So here I am writing a post for my lovely KMB friend and to everybody else who is willing to learn something. Correct me if tell you wrong tips.

To be frank, I came from a family that uses Bahasa ONLY to converse on daily basis. In fact, I am the only child in the house who knows to speak English. This is not to brag but more of a sharing on how a child of owner of a humble diner can also be as good as an English-speaking family.

I'd say in everything we do, we always need that tiny drop of this element, determination. You always need to put your head in it. I'm gonna split these tips on 3 parts, writing, speaking and listening. This really sounds like IELTS (I only got 7 for this, not a good band).

Here we are talking about academic writing and not on creative writing because that is another different chapter.

  1. You need to have a sound grammatical knowledge and good vocabulary
  2. Good vocabulary is achievable through a lot of reading
  3. You can copy sentences that you like and try to use it your writing
  4. To brush up, write and write and write
  5. Keep a good book of new vocab, that will do much help
As a writer myself, I notice that different people have different style of writing. To know what your style is, you need to write in a different kind of situation and definitely that needs to be done consistently. I found my writing style when I was in KMB, struggling to pour ideas on the given essays. Okay now some stories in KMB, I was surrounded with people of great English proficiency. Don't be intimidated, but that's the fact I'm telling you. All you need to do is to rise to their level because they won't come down on your level. Honestly, I don't really like grammar because sometimes when I write, it just feels right and it sounds right. I couldn't answer many questions on grammar.

If you really want to write better, first thing first, the grammar. Then you vary your sentence structure, this will absolutely require time. It is not a one night miracle, poof and everything is there, definitely not. 

On a different note, creative writing. Creativity is a must and if you already grasp this kind of writing, you can always incorporate it in your routine writing.

Well, definitely this is not much that I can share of. Just some lousy and typical tips but it works in reality. One word, determination. And yeah A GOOD DICTIONARY IS A MUST (install one on your laptop)

More in Part 2 (Speaking)

Friday, June 10, 2011

Not A Good PS

Just something to share. Not that good but this had passed quite a few readings from my teacher and my senior.

Happiness, sorrows and surprises, these are fractions in the equation of this extemporaneous life. Undoubtedly, one will encounter obstacles every now and then. Being me is normal, but living with my experience is extraordinary. I lost my father two weeks before I sat for my second semester examination. Undeniably, I was devastated by the news. Reminiscing those tearful moments, the news caused me overwhelming grief that pulled on each and every string in my heart. I cried and I am not ashamed of it, because I am being human. This, is not a typical story of an utter desolation leading to a major fall down, it is a story about a death that made a bright young boy stronger and wiser in pursuing a medical degree.
                With my greatest strength, I managed to put my sadness away and eventually grabbed a spot in the Honor Roll Award despite all the hardships that I was going through. Few years back when my father was hale and hearty, I was selected for the 15th National Children Science Congress in India. He was so proud and trusted me to become the best person that I can be due to my achievements. This program ingrained a strong passion for science in me. I managed to get the exposure to the science community in Asia and broaden my perspective to see the world scientifically. Ergo, I will exploit this passion to pursue this ever-changing medical course so that I can come up with new possibilities of invention through research and development.
                In addition, I believe that one should have their own added-value in themselves. When I was 13 years old, I was blessed with the chance to be involved in a Wind Orchestra ensemble. I started and I never stopped. Up till now, I am capable of skillfully playing the saxophone and timpani. I have been involved in a large number of competitions and performances. Through this activity, my self-esteem was perfectly polished and I learnt an essential element to be a great doctor in the subjectivity of music, cooperation. It is crucial to work in a team to produce the best quality of work. To save a patient in the operation theater is not a one-man show as it requires a group of people to work hand in hand with each other, and I honestly believe that I have cultivated this element deep in me.
                Besides, I did not let my gift of the gab to be in vain. Back then, I was the first speaker for my English Debate Team. I seized the opportunity to further improve and strengthen my soft skills. Standing in front of hundreds of people and being able to speak is not an easy job because it takes guts and great communication skills so that people will actually listen to you. Indubitably, debating gave me a learning platform to voice out my opinion on issues and it provided me with an atmosphere to think critically under high-pressured conditions. So, I enthusiastically endorse that to be an all-rounded medical practitioner, these qualities are a must. I strongly believe that I possess these elements which will assist me to achieve more in the medical field.
On top of that, my desire to pursue medicine is not just about my self-satisfaction and helping others because I can accomplish that in other areas, but I want to empower people around me. I want to give them a glimpse of hope and happiness to live in this harsh world. I want to be able to touch their lives and console them with my words. I want to lead them to the end of the sorrow tunnel and show them there’s always a light that will shine on their lives. And, I want to motivate people with my life experiences so that they do not succumb to adversities. I am aware of the challenges that lay in front of me in pursuing my ambition. Be it easy or difficult, nothing can stop my determination to be what I want in my life. I totally believe that, being a doctor is more than just curing diseases, it’s about changing the world with an ample willingness and dignity. With a soul of giving, loving and caring, I am destined to be a doctor.